


Falling From Grace

by Castianity



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Badass, High School AU, M/M, Sad, cas - Freeform, castiel - Freeform, rebel!Castiel, rebel!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:19:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castianity/pseuds/Castianity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester and Castiel have been friends for god knows how long. They're as different as two boys can be; Dean, a smoking, drinking, unabashed teenage rebel and Cas, a good, closeted, church going gay boy. For whatever reason, Dean invites Cas drinking, and Cas says yes. From that moment on, Castiel becomes more and more like Dean and less and less like the good child his father wants him to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.

Castiel looked around, wrapping his jacket tightly around his body. Damn, it was cold. But he would do this for Dean. He would do anything for his friend. He shivered as he walked towards the Impala, where Dean stood, leaning against the hood of his car with a cigarette in his mouth. 

~Earlier that day~

“Hey, Cas!” Dean walked over to his best friend, grinning as he clapped him on the shoulder. Nobody understood how the two of them got so buddy-buddy; to be honest, neither did Cas. He just remembered that they had been sitting next to each other in class one day; probably history. Cas had looked up and Dean Winchester was sitting next to him. He knew all about the kid: bad boy, the kind everybody wanted to be with. Never did his homework, rarely showed up to class, and when he did, he always made a scene. For some reason, he had been drawn to the boy’s intoxicating aura immediately. He had let Dean copy his homework, and from that moment on, they had been really close for some reason. Castiel shook the memory from his head fondly, feeling the other boy punch him in the arm. “Jo, Ash, and I are going out tonight. Thought you might want to come?” 

He should have known better. But there was something in the way Dean had asked. Something that drove shivers up and down his spine. There was no denying that he was attracted to his best friend, but there was something more in his voice. A sort of tone of desperation, of raw need. A tone that pushed Cas over the abyss.

“Dean, I...I would love to, but-” 

Dean snapped his head up, grinning wildly. Castiel always managed to surprise him. “Awesome. I’ll pick you up around nine.” 

“Dean, I can’t just-” 

“Sneak out, dumbass.” The bell rang and Dean clapped him on the back. “I’ll see you tonight.” Cas nodded, mouth feeling like it was full of sandpaper. What had he agreed to do? He couldn’t just sneak out! Somebody would catch him...if not his dad, then one of his siblings. But for Dean... He watched his friend, his secret crush, walk away from him, and resolved to do whatever it took to get him. 

That whole day, Cas couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. All he could think about was Dean. Sneaking out with him, going Jo's house to drink with him and his friends, maybe finding a secluded area and...his hand clenched around his paper and he jumped at the sound, looking down and sighing. Students around him gave him weird looks, but he ignored them. God, he wished desperately that they would all just leave him alone. His head was spinning. He was ready to scream and give up when the bell rang. He rushed out of the classroom as quickly as he could, papers flying out of his hands as he rushed outside. He needed some fresh air. 

Dean was outside, as usual. A cigarette dangled precariously out of his mouth. “You okay, dude? You look a little spooked.” 

Castiel had heard that cigarettes were good for calming nerves. “Yeah. Can I, uh...can I have a drag?” The word tasted strange in his mouth, foreign. Dean looked surprised but handed it over with no objections. Cas stuck it in his mouth and Dean laughed. 

“Just put it gently against your lips and breathe in. You’re gonna cough the first time you do it, that’s natural. Just stay calm.” Cas nodded, adjusted the cigarette in his mouth, and did as Dean said. He was right; Cas practically coughed up a lung and handed it back. When he regained the ability to breathe, Cas sheepishly took the cigarette again and gently inhaled. The nicotine danced down his throat and into his lungs and this time, it didn’t hurt as badly. In fact, it felt kind of good, surprisingly soothing. “There you go, buddy,” Dean said to him, and Cas warmed at the approval. He took another long drag, his heart rate slowing with every breath. 

“I’ll see you tonight, then.” 

 

The rest of the day passed slowly as Cas waited for the evening to come. He finished his homework as early as he could, then showered and dried his hair. All through dinner he stayed quiet. Uriel and Michael, the twins, wouldn’t shut up about how well they had done during the football game. The only one who seemed to care about his silence was Anna, his younger sister, who looked at him quizzically. “Are you okay, Castiel?” 

“I’m fine, Anna,” Cas replied, looking down at his meal. Gabe punched his arm. 

“Meet a girl?” 

“No, Gabriel.” The boy blushed and rolled his eyes. 

“You need it.” Cas looked up at his brother, who had already stuffed as much food as he could into his mouth. Their father glared at him, but Castiel’s brother didn’t seem to notice. 

Gabe knew that he was gay; he knew there was no girl. Nobody else knew, though. If any of the others found out, his father would, too. He would go ballistic. Cas would be kicked out of his house in a second. No, he couldn’t let that happen. Michael and Uriel would torture Anna; there was only so much Gabe could do on his own to stop them. Not to mention he would never be able to survive on his own. The dark haired boy took a small bite of his food and immediately felt like throwing up. 

“May I be excused? I have some homework I have to get done.” Their father nodded his head. “Thank you, sir.” He picked up his plate and ran it into the kitchen, rinsing it off and putting it into the dishwasher before running up to the room he shared with Gabriel. Cas flopped back onto the bed and balanced chemical equations in his mind to keep it occupied until nine.

“What the hell, man? Are you trying to get out of doing the dishes? That’s not like you.” Gabriel sat down on the bed next to his younger brother, looking at him. “You finished your homework hours ago. Remember? You helped me with mine.” Even though Gabriel was older, Cas could do anything he was given. It was like a weird talent. 

“I...Dean asked me to sneak out with him tonight.” 

“You obviously said no, right?” 

Silence. 

Gabe looked at him, his face full of surprise. 

“Dad’s gonna kill you if he finds out.” 

“Dean’s coming at nine; Dad will be praying or asleep by then. Please, help me make sure he doesn’t find out.” He knew he sounded pathetic, but he didn’t care. He wanted this. More than that, he needed it. 

“Fine. I’ll tell him you’re in the shower or something, that you felt sick so you decided to go to bed early. But don’t make a habit of this.” 

“I’ll be back before eleven. Maybe.” 

Now it was Gabe’s turn to be silent. 

“What is it, Gabe?” 

A childish grin blossomed over his face. “...You’ve gotta tell me everything that happens.” 

Cas rolled his eyes and gave his brother an affectionate shove. “Thanks,” he said with a grin, as he pulled his jacket on. The boy flopped back on his bed and sighed, waiting for the clock to strike. 

 

It was 9:00 p.m. Castiel sat up and grinned at his brother, saluting him before jumping off the bed and opening the window. Nerves fluttered in his belly, and he stopped for a moment. He couldn’t do this. He had to do this. He...could do this. He nodded to himself, feeling his brother’s eyes on him, then jumped softly onto the roof. He grinned to himself; he was a natural. Unsure if this realization made him happy or uncomfortable, the boy swung down onto the ground. His landing was soft, and before he knew what he was doing, he was walking out towards the street, looking around for Dean. 

And then there he was, about two blocks away. His car was parked right under the streetlight; it looked like something from a ’90s movie or something: Dean leaning up against the Impala, a cigarette dangling lazily from his mouth, his signature leather jacket around his shoulders. “Hurry up, Cas,” he said affectionately, flicking the butt of the cigarette onto his neighbor’s yard. The black haired boy resisted the urge to pick it up and throw it in the trash as he got into the passenger’s seat. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Jo’s house. Her mom’s not home, and she has all this high quality booze because she owns a bar.” Dean grinned and rolled down the windows, making sure not to blast the music until they were well away from Cas’ house. Once they were, though, ACDC was blasting at full volume; Dean’s voice could be heard over the actual singer’s, and soon Cas was singing along with him, already excited for what was to come. 

They arrived at the house about ten minutes later. Both of them had been smoking, and the scent trailed after them as they made their way up to the door. “Dean!” Jo threw herself into his arms and Cas felt a slight pang of jealousy that she could do that. Admittedly, she looked great; she was wearing skin tight black pants and a crop top that didn’t go past her stomach. She looked downright sexy, if you were into that look. “Come on, let’s go out to the porch. Ash is already there.” She smiled at Dean, then shot Cas a glance. “Don’t call the police on us, okay? There’s gonna be underage drinking.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and the boy felt a pang in his chest. Jesus, he didn’t think that he was that much of a prude. Cas shrugged his jacket off and hung it up, then scurried after the other two. 

The three sat down on the back porch. Ash grinned and nodded to Cas, handing him a cup filled with strongly-scented alcohol. He smiled and took a sip; fuck, it was strong. He swallowed and felt the warm liquid run down his throat. It tasted like crap, but it felt really nice. Cas took another sip and leaned back, continuing to drink until the cup was empty. His head was spinning; Ash told him that he had just drank an entire cup of whiskey. Really? His father drank whiskey, but he definitely didn’t drink this much at a time.

Feeling bold, Cas stood up and sat back down right next to Dean, who giggled a bit as he watched Jo stand up and take Ash’s hand, leading him through the kitchen. Finally, Dean and Cas were alone. Cas refilled his cup and hiccuped. The world began spinning, spinning, spinning.

“Dean, I’m gay.” Hiccup. Sip. Sip. Hiccup.

“I figured that’s why you never have a girlfriend.” That smile, that smile that drove Cas insane.. Another sip. Cas crawled into Dean’s lap, setting his cup down on the ground. It spilled; he took no notice.

“I want to kiss you.” 

“What are you waiting for?” 

Cas pressed his lips against Dean’s. He tasted like whiskey and cigarettes, something Cas didn’t realize tasted so wonderful. He wrapped his legs around Dean’s torso and moaned as the other man’s lips moved to his neck. He fumbled with his shirt, pulling it off and then working on Dean’s. He could barely feel his hands; that made him giggle. He couldn’t feel his hands, and he was kissing the man he had been in love with for months. Dean’s teeth in his skin made it hard to concentrate; anything that had been there had washed away quickly. “Fuck, Dean.” 

“I love it when you curse,” the man responded in a lust-deepened voice, tugging at Cas’ jeans drunkenly. The dark haired boy didn’t protest; this was what he wanted. He wanted this. He wanted Dean. He wanted to kiss guys and make out with guys and have sex with guys. He wanted to sneak out for Dean every night and find him and fuck him senseless in the back of the Impala. All his life, he had been forced to be a good little straight boy, always get A’s, and never talk out of turn. All his life, that’s who he thought he was. He knew he was gay, but he never acted on his feelings because he had been brainwashed by his father to think it was wrong and dirty and nasty. But his father was the one who had been wrong, because this felt right. 

Cas allowed Dean to struggle with the clasp of his belt for a few more seconds before finally undoing the damn thing himself, ripping off his pants, then Dean’s. Their erections tented their boxers, and looking down, they both laughed. Cas buried his face into Dean’s neck and held him there, rocking his hips against Dean’s, moaning quietly. Dean’s hands traveled down to the elastic of his underpants, tugging them off. Suddenly, they were both naked, on the back porch of Jo Harvelle’s house, rocking their bodies into each other in a flurry of hands and kisses. 

“Dean,” Cas gasped as the boy’s hand found his dick, squeezing it gently. “I’ve never...done this before.” 

“I’ve got you, baby. Let me take care of you,” Dean moaned, the toned muscles in his back showing as he pumped Cas’ dick slowly. He gasped and gripped Dean’s hips tightly, his fingernails digging into his flesh, his lips drunkenly finding his lover’s neck to muffle his cries of pleasure. It took him no time at all to come, sticky tendrils spilling all over Dean’s hand as he rubbed Cas’ back soothingly, cooing to him as he whimpered in the other man’s arms. 

Cas’ whole body relaxed, and when he felt like he could move again, he kissed a trail down Dean’s chest and stomach, pressing a kiss to the head of his dick. “Fuck, Cas,” he moaned, rocking his hips up. “You...you don’t have to...” 

“I want to.” Cas wrapped his lips around Dean’s cock and did exactly what Dean had done with his hands. The boy squirmed helplessly under him, and Cas pressed his hips into the cold, wooden ground beneath them to keep his hips from bucking up. 

“Fuck, Cas--” he said, cutting himself off with a loud moan as he came, fast and hard, into his friend’s mouth. Cas swallowed as much of it as he could, swiping the bit he missed from the corner of his mouth with his thumb and sticking it into his mouth. Dean shuddered, then pulled him up and hugged him tightly to his chest. Dizzy from the alcohol and the sex, Cas allowed himself to be held as he fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked around. Where was he? Why was he outside? His head was pounding. Memories flooded him, all of them blurry. Dean’s kisses. Touching him, holding him, bringing him to climax. All that he had had to drink. The boy moaned and looked at his watch; it was five in the morning. He had time to get home. Dean’s arms were still around his waist, though; for the first time in a long time, Cas felt safe. But he had to go home before his father discovered he wasn’t there. “Dean, wake up.” Fuck, his head really was killing him. A wave of nausea passed over him and he peeled Dean’s arms from around him, stumbling to the nearest bush and throwing up into it.

A cool hand touched his back. “Let it all out,” Dean’s voice was in his ear, soothing him as he emptied the contents of his stomach into it. When he was done, Dean held him, running his hands along the man’s waist. “Feel any better?” Cas groaned in response; Dean chuckled quietly. “You’ll get used to it.” His lips touched Castiel’s neck and, despite how sick he felt, Cas felt himself harden. He shook his head gently and pulled himself from his friend’s arms reluctantly. “I have to go home...I have...” 

“Tell your dad you’re going to the library to study or something next Saturday night. Big party; you should come.” He grinned, his hands finding their way back to Castiel’s hips. Cas snuggled back into Dean’s arms, allowing himself a few more moments of pleasure.

“A...alright,” he said, unsure of his own words. He wanted to see Dean again; he wanted to feel drunk and stupid and reckless; he wanted to kiss his best friend again, feel his frantic, sloppy hands over Cas’ sweaty skin. He smiled and peeled away from the man. After a few moments of dressing himself, he took Dean’s shirt and pulled it over his head. “So that I have a reason to come back,” he teased, kissing Dean’s cheek sweetly. The man chuckled and pulled on his pants.   
“I don’t need that anyway,” he said, laughing more and zipping up his pants. “I’ll drive you back.” The two boys walked to the impala, not touching, just walking in the cool early morning air silently together. Two boys who had spent the night. Two boys who had shared secrets buried deeply within their skin. Two boys who had the world in their hands. 

Neither of them said anything on the way home. At this point it was almost 6:00; Cas’ father woke up every morning to go for a run at 6:30, so they had to hurry. They pulled up at a house about two blocks away and Dean turned to Cas. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday, then,” he said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Cas grinned and pulled him in for a long, slow kiss. “Yeah, you will,” he said, amazed at his own bravery. He left the car before Dean could see the blush that was spreading over his face. He walked the rest of the way to his house as the sky turned pink, not able to focus on anything else but the taste of Dean’s lips. As if in a dream, he snuck through the kitchen door, making his way up to the room he and Gabriel shared. His brother was sleeping, snoring away like it was his job. Castiel chuckled and shook his head, flopping back into his bed. His head was still pounding, but at least he didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

 

“CAS! WAKE UP!” It felt like he was on a rocky sea; Cas moaned and sat up slowly. So much for not feeling like puking up his guts. Gabe grinned and bounced around excitedly on the bed. His whole body felt like someone had sucker punched it; he pushed his brother away and rolled over onto his side. “Are you wearing Dean’s shirt? What happened? What time did you get home? TELL ME!” Gabriel shook his brother, sending wave after wave of nausea through him. 

“Jesus, cut it out,” he groaned. 

“Are you hungover?!” 

“Yeah, so shut up.” 

Gabe laughed and clapped softly. “Oh man, you really do have to tell me everything.” 

Cas sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. “Alright, shut up for a second. We got to the house, had some whiskey, and Jo and Ash left us alone. I don’t...I don’t exactly remember how, but we ended up hooking up. I got home around six. Yes, this is Dean’s shirt.” He blushed. “He asked me to go to a party with him next weekend. Told me to tell Dad that I’m gonna go study at the library or something.” Gabe’s eyes shone with jealousy. 

“Take me with you.” 

“What?” 

Gabe clasped his hands together. “Please. I’m a senior and I’ve never had anything to drink! I’m a friggin’ virgin. I can’t go to college a virgin! Take me, please. Tell Dad you’re helping me with a research project or something. Tell him we had to work with Chuck and we’re sleeping at his house or something.” Chuck was a friend of Gabriel’s, and a weird kid at that. This was so unlike Gabe, to beg Castiel for anything. 

He grinned and nodded. “Alright. Partying with my brother actually sounds kind of fun.” Gabe lept off of the bed and pounded the air with his fist like he had just won the lottery. “Now, leave me alone so I can recover.” 

 

The rest of the week passed agonizingly slowly. Cas and Dean had a few classes together, and often they would smoke together on their lunch break, but they never talked about the night they shared. Cas was okay with that; if they had, he would admit to being in love with Dean. And he couldn't do that, because he knew better than anyone that Dean never entered relationships. Ever. So every time Castiel took a cigarette from Dean, he made sure that it was in his mouth before he could say something that would potentially ruin their friendship.

Finally, it was Friday. The next day was the party; it was at Lisa’s house, a girl who had been chasing after Dean for a long time. Cas sighed as he walked out to meet Dean for a cigarette. “Hey buddy,” his friend said, holding out a smoke for him. “Pumped for tomorrow?” He knew that Gabe wanted to come; he was actually excited that the senior would be there. 

“Of course I am.” Cas, a pro at this by now, took the lighter from between Dean’s fingers and delicately placed the cigarette to his lips, lighting up and handing the lighter back to his friend. 

“We have to get you your own lighter, man. And a pack.” 

“I know.” He grinned and leaned against the school building, sucking in the nicotine, feeling it go down smoothly. He felt peaceful. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was free. He felt like he was being himself. He took a final drag after a long, comfortable silence, then flicked the cigarette away and looked over at Dean. 

“Wanna skip class?” Dean asked him, flicking his own away. Cas had never skipped a class before; he rarely was even absent, and he had never been late. 

“Sure.” He grinned and shoved Dean playfully, who chuckled and pushed him back. 

“Let’s go back to my place. No one’s there.” He grinned and they walked around the building so that none of their teachers would see them. Dean dug the keys out of his pocket then turned on the car and looked over at Cas. Excitement shone clearly in his eyes and he drove away from the school. It didn’t take long to get to Dean’s house, and before Cas knew what was happening, Dean had knocked him onto the couch and was sitting on him. The look on his face was positively predatory. He leaned down and kissed the man under him for all he was worth, moving his way slowly down his neck and clavicle, ripping his shirt off. He was a predator, and Castiel was his prey. “Fuck, Cas, you’re so hot,” he moaned, nipping at his chest. Cas moaned and arched his back into the man’s lips, gripping his hips. Dean’s hands moved to his pants and he pulled them down, chucking them onto the floor. 

“Fuck, Dean,” he gasped, his mouth gaping open. Dean ripped off his own pants, leaving them both exposed. He wanted to feel Dean inside of him. “I want you to fuck me.” The words left his lips before he could stop them. Dean didn’t stop kissing his belly; he hardly reacted.

“Okay, baby. Okay,” he said breathlessly, kissing his flushing lips. “Let...me go get...a condom...” Suddenly, the heat from Dean’s body disappeared, leaving him there stark naked. Cas waited for him to return, stretched across the couch like a cat, his body exposed in a way he never thought he would enjoy. Seeing the look on Dean’s face when he came back made the exposure worth it. Dean slipped the condom onto his dick and walked back over, kissing Cas’ neck while he slathered lube onto himself. “I’ll go slowly. This is your first time, right?” Cas gave a nervous nod of his head in response. “I’ll go slowly.” 

Dean worked his fingers up inside Castiel’s ass; he moaned. It felt like nothing he had ever experienced before. He threw his head back, giving Dean full control. Soon enough, he felt the fingers leave him. Dean lowered his body onto Cas’, moaning softly as he placed kisses on the man’s neck. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he said quietly, pressing himself into Cas. It hurt; that was for sure. But it was a good kind of pain. He moaned lightly, and Dean bottomed out with one shove; Cas yelped, and Dean hushed him with a kiss. “I’ve got you baby, I’ve got you.” He gently began pumping into him; it burned like fire, but it felt amazing. He moaned and arched his back, rocking his hips up to meet Dean. He began pumping faster, moaning loudly. “Fuck, Cas, I’m gonna-” With one final thrust, Dean filled the condom with come. Cas painted Dean’s stomach with his own, moaning. Dean thrusted into him weakly until both of their orgasms subsided, then pulled out; Cas felt empty. Dean wrapped his arms around his friend and kissed the back of his neck, not yet ready to let go.

“If I knew this would come from skipping school,” Cas said quietly, chuckling, “I would’ve done it a long time ago.” He grinned and turned his head to kiss Dean. He wasn’t sure what they were, but he sure was glad they were doing at least this much. Castiel turned his head so that Dean couldn’t see the smile that passed over his face as they lay there together, naked, bodies intertwined, breathing in sync.


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the day came and went. Castiel returned home right after school ended; Gabe shot him a look that said, “Why weren’t you on the bus?” Cas shook his head and motioned for his brother to follow him upstairs. 

“Alright, bro, where were you?” 

“I...Dean and I skipped class.” 

Silence. 

“We...hooked up again.” 

More silence. A grin spread across his brother’s face. “Bro, you’ve gotten more play in the last week than I’ve gotten in my entire life. Not counting Meg Masters. Ugh, she was the devil.” He shook his head. “Well, are you dating or not!?” 

“No, of course not,” Cas said, blushing wildly. “Dad would kill me. Plus...Dean doesn’t date. He hooks up with everyone, but he’s never really had a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend, for that matter.” 

“It’s not gonna be long before you want more out of this than he does, little brother,” Gabe said, standing up. “And when you realize it, you’re gonna realize Dean Winchester isn’t gonna provide you with it. You’re gonna lose a fuck buddy and your best friend.” Cas had never heard his brother say anything so profound - or so true, for that matter. Cas could already feel crush growing into something more. There was nothing he could do about it, though; he couldn’t change Dean. And he was perfectly content to be like this - for now, at least, he could continue. For Dean, he could continue. 

He sighed. “Let’s just have fun at this party tomorrow, okay?” Gabe nodded and dropped the subject, which Cas was grateful for.

That night and the next day were a blur. Cas walked around as if in a dream, doing what he was told to do, being the good little boy he had been raised to be. He was a robot, going through the motions of his average day. At about seven, Gabe and Cas walked over to their father. “Dad, would it be okay if we went to Chuck’s house to get some work done?” 

Mr. Novak looked at them suspiciously. “Both of you?” 

“Yeah. We need his help. It’s a social experiment.” Castiel nodded and smiled sincerely at his father.

“Please, dad?” 

He relented. “Alright.” 

“We may sleep over if it gets too late.” 

“I’m glad to see you taking the initiative and doing your work before Sunday.” Their father chuckled and patted Gabe on the back. “Castiel has been a good influence on you, Gabriel.” Cas almost laughed; if only he knew. 

“Thanks, Dad,” he said, nodding his head lightly before grabbing Gabe’s arm and tugging him along. “Dean’s waiting for us in the car,” he said anxiously, looking around for the impala. He spotted it a few blocks down, waved, and took off towards it. 

Gabe rolled his eyes. “If I have to watch you make out with your boyfriend, I’m gonna kill you.” 

Cas blushed. “He’s not my boyfriend and you know it.” 

“Shut up, Cas,” Gabe said, punching his arm affectionately. He smiled and nodded to Dean, who was walking over to them. “Hey man.” 

“Hey,” he said coolly to both of them, which made Castiel blush for no reason. He nodded and watched Gabe get into the car. Dean held out a cigarette, which Cas took gratefully. 

“Hey you,” he purred quietly to Dean now that they were alone, kissing him hard and quick on the mouth before walking to the passenger’s side of the car. Dean chuckled behind him and threw him the lighter. They both swung in and Dean started up the car while Cas lit his cigarette up. 

“Woah, bro, you smoke?” Gabe’s eyes went wide. Cas nodded and grinned; there was a lot about him that his brother didn’t know. Gabe shrank back into his seat while they drove up to Lisa’s house. The music could be heard from three blocks away; this promised to be a good party. Dean laughed and clapped his hands. 

“This is gonna be great!” He said as he parked the car. He got out and waited until the other two followed suit to lock the doors. Together, they walked up to the house and through the door. 

The place was packed with people. One boy Cas didn’t recognize had a girl pressed up against the wall, his arm high above her head, sweet talking her. She seemed too drunk to realize he was trying to get into her pants. About two feet ahead of them, two girls were kissing; a crowd of boys were cheering them on. Others were hooking up left and right. “I’m gonna go get us some drinks,” Dean said with a grin, squeezing through the others to get to where a table was set up with alcohol. 

“I’m gonna go hang out with some of the other seniors,” Gabe screamed over the music to his brother, motioning to where a group of his friends were beckoning him over. “Have fun tonight!” Cas nodded and watched his brother leave, leaning against the wall. 

“You’re Castiel Novak, right?” A voice sounded from his right, making him jump. “Didn’t mean to startle you; I’m Samandriel Davis. I’m in your chemistry class.” Cas blushed lightly; he didn’t think anyone noticed him. This boy was cute; he had a young face, with sandy hair and light green eyes. Short and peppy; the complete opposite of Dean. Exactly what Castiel wasn’t looking for.

“Oh, hi.” 

“I didn’t expect to see you here. Didn’t think this was your kind of place, you know?” 

“I didn’t either. But...you know. People change.” Cas smiled. 

“I guess I’ll see you around, then,” Samandriel smiled and trailed his fingers along Cas’ arm, much to his alarm. He winked and then walked away, leaving Cas with wide eyes, wondering what just happened. 

Dean walked back over to Cas as soon as Samandriel left. “Who was that?” 

“Some kid in my chemistry class,” he responded with a shrug, taking the drink from his friend and drinking it quickly. “I don’t know him that well.” 

“He seemed interested in you.” Dean raised an eyebrow and nudged him. “You gonna go for it?” 

_No, Dean, of course I’m not going to ‘Go for it.’ I’m in love with you, and only you. It’s been that way since we met, and it’ll be that way until the day I die. The only problem is that you’ve never felt that way about anybody in your life._ “Oh, uh, I do-” 

“Dean!” Lisa squealed and ran over, throwing her arms around the boy’s neck. It made Cas want to throw up; he sipped his drink and slipped away. “I’m so glad you made it.” 

“I am sure glad I came,” Cas heard Dean reply, then watched him rest his hands on the girl’s hips. He leaned over and pressed his lips against hers suddenly; a wave of jealousy passed over Castiel and he went to find Samandriel again. He knew that he and Dean weren’t exclusive - not by a long shot - but watching him hook up with a random girl still hurt Castiel. So two could play at that game. 

Samandriel was to be found out on the porch, surrounded by some other guys from their class. Castiel grabbed his arm gently, brushing his body against the other boy’s; he felt a shiver pass through the other. “Dance with me.” Samandriel nodded silently and turned around, walking inside the house where a few people were rocking back and forth to the music. Cas grabbed the smaller boy and spun him around, resting his hands on the boy’s thighs and rubbing his crotch against Samandriel’s ass to the music. The other boy moaned, lacing his fingers through Cas’ and grinding against him. Cas did to him what he desperately wanted Dean to do to him; he leaned down and kissed the boy’s neck. As he was coming up, the other boy spun around and caught his lips, pushing him back against the nearest wall, shoving his leg through Cas’. He moaned and kissed the boy back with everything he had, wrapping his arms around his torso and pulling him closer. 

“Should we...find...a room?” Samandriel moaned into his mouth, to which Cas nodded. The other boy grabbed his hand and dragged him away from the wall; Cas was silently thanking god that nobody seemed to see this. If anyone in his family found out...it wasn’t like him to be so rash, so quick, so impulsive. But his brother was on the couch with his buddies, messing around, his arm dangling around a girl’s shoulders who he had never talked to but knew by the name of Kali, laughing at a joke someone just told. Dean was probably off hooking up with Lisa, not really caring what Cas was doing. And everybody else...everybody else was drunk, in their own worlds of gossip and secrets. This was what high school was really like, and Cas loved it.

The boy pulled him into a random room and slammed the door behind him. Looking around, Castiel realized that he was in a closet. “I do-” He stopped himself. They were in a fucking broom closet; it wasn’t a sign from god that he shouldn’t be doing this. It didn’t mean anything. So instead of talking, he just pushed the sandy haired boy up against the door, kissing him with everything he had. God, it felt so good. He lifted up his shirt and tossed it aside, proceeding to suck on the boy’s neck to leave a mark. Samandriel moaned and squirmed under him; when Cas tried to reach for his pants, though, the boy pushed him away. 

“N-” 

“It’s okay,” Cas whispered, leaning his forehead against Samandriel’s. “It’s okay. We don’t....we won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable doing.” The other boy nodded, thanking him under his breath several times. Castiel just smiled and kissed him again, running his hands all over his smooth stomach. The feeling of this boy’s skin against his own...he moaned and placed a kiss on his chest, rubbing his crotch against the other’s leg like a cat in heat. 

“Cas...I’ve wanted...this...for so long...” He was surprised to hear that; he assumed that nobody thought about him in that way. He was learning, though, that he wasn’t just a random guy in the background. The thought made him smile as he left a trail of kisses up Samandriel’s body, across his jaw line, and back to his lips. 

Samandriel moaned and looked down at his watch. "Shit!" He said, pushing away. His lips were kiss swollen, his pupils dilated. "I...my ride is leaving now..." He said, his face full of regret.

"I...it's fine, I'll...some other time?" The other boy reached up and kissed Cas softly. 

"Yeah...definitely." He grinned and dashed out of the closet, leaving Cas there panting, wanting more. Wanting so much more. Some time later, the boy wandered out of the small room, looking around. 

"Yo, Cas." Ash stood near the door, his arm around Jo's waist. "We're lighting up out here. Come on." Cas grinned and stuffed his hands into his pockets, following him outside. 

There was a group of kids there that Cas didn't know. The only people he knew, in fact, were Jo and Ash. They were passing around a joint; there wasn't a single cigarette to be seen. "I..."

"What, Cas?" Jo said tauntingly. "Don't wanna do drugs? Aren't you tired of being daddy's little boy?" Hell no he didn't want to be. He wanted to be his own person. He wanted to be Castiel. 

Cas' gaze steeled. "Pass it." Jo looked surprised. Ash just grinned and took the joint from the girl who had it and passed it over to the boy, who took a long drag. It tasted completely different from the cigarettes he was used to; so much better. He grinned and gave it back to Ash. 

"These guys have had way too much, we can finish it off. Don't feel too bad if you don't get high your first time." The two passed it back and forth until they killed it. Cas would've been lying if he had said he didn't feel it; it felt really fucking good, like the world was floating around him. He giggled for no reason, then walked into the house. People were still milling around, nodding at him, high fiving him, being really nice. He loved it. God, he loved this. Why hadn't he done it before? His father had kept him locked up like...like a princess in a castle. Yeah. He laughed at his own joke, gripping the wall as tightly as he could. He knew if he didn't he would fly away. God, what time was it? Someone yelled about Lisa's parents coming home and people drunkenly stood up, dashing for the nearest exit. Cas just smiled dreamily, holding onto the wall as he made his way to the front door. 

Everybody was gone except for Lisa and Dean, who were kissing. Cas giggled seeing them, even though somewhere deep inside he hated Lisa for kissing his Dean. 

“Let’s roll, Cas.” 

Cas nodded and walked out the door with Dean. “Thanks,” he said to her, turning back to face night. The cool air felt good against his flushing skin. 

“You got with that kid, didn’t you?” 

“What?”  
“You hooked up with Samandriel! You handsome bastard you!” Dean punched his arm and Cas grinned, somehow resisting the urge to say that he had wished desperately that it had been him, that he wished he could be the one to kiss Dean by the door. 

“Yeah, I did.” 

“Well? Did you fuck him?” 

“No, he didn’t want to. We just...hooked up in the broom closet.” 

“Did he blow you?”

“No.” 

“...Any hand action?” 

Silence.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Hey, it’s still great.” Cas chuckled and nodded. 

“I guess it is.”

The two walked to the impala in a comfortable silence, admiring the view. 

“Cas?”

“Yeah, Dean?”

“Cigarette?”


	4. Chapter 4

Cas had slept over at Dean's that night. Sam and his father were asleep, so the boys silently made their way up to Dean's small bedroom. They fooled around a bit; Dean took Cas' cock in his mouth and sucked him down until the boy came quietly; he decided there was nothing better than high sex. They fell asleep that night in each other's arms, Cas gripping Dean tightly, unable to let go. He needed Dean there, he needed to know his friend was still there. Cas whimpered quietly, pawing at his chest. “I’m here, baby. I’m here,” Dean mumbled in his sleep, wrapping himself protectively around Castiel. 

The morning came too quickly. The sunlight filtered through the dirty window and woke Castiel. He sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “Shit,” he mumbled, wondering where the hell Gabriel was. “D...Dean, I gotta...I have church soon, and I still have to find Gabe...” Dean shifted, peeling his arms from around Cas and flipping over so his bare back was facing the boy. Cas chuckled and grabbed his clothes, pulling them on. Fuck, he should’ve brought a change of clothes. What time was it? He looked at the clock on the bedside table; 5:30. As he quietly pulled on his shoes, he tried to think of where his brother could have been. Suddenly he realized his brother had been with Kali all night. He was probably with her! How could he justify going to her house at this hour, though? He didn't know her that well, nothing more than his brother was crazy about her. And based on what he had observed the night before, she was kind of crazy about him, too. 

Dean. Dean could help. “Dean, wake up,” he murmured, kissing the back of his neck. “I need your help. Can you come to Kali’s house with me to get my brother?” 

“Are you sure that’s where he is?” 

“No, that’s why I need you there.” 

“Heh. Alright, man, let’s go.” Dean pulled himself out of the bed, grabbing the same clothes he had been wearing the night before and his keys. 

The two snuck out of the house together, making sure not to awaken anyone as they walked into the cool morning air. “So, what happened between Kali and Gabe?”

“I don’t know if anything happened. I know he’s been into her for just about forever, but I dunno if she feels the same way.” Dean nodded understandingly. 

“She’s pretty cool. Good kisser. Very flexible.” Dean grinned as jealousy reared its ugly head inside of Cas again. He pretended not to hear Dean as they got into the Impala and drove off with the windows down, enjoying the early morning air. 

It was nice outside, peaceful. Cas sank into the seat and watched the world go by as they drove to the girl’s house. When they got there, it was Dean who had to push Castiel out of the car. He had never done anything like this; he had never just gone to someone’s house without calling, this early in the morning no less. But Dean assured him that it was fine; people did this all the time. Without any other means of contact, people had to sneak around to find their traveling companions. Cas nodded, trusting every word his friend said. Together, they walked up to the house. “I know how to get in,” Dean murmured, swinging himself up onto the low hanging roof. “I’ve actually done this a few times.” As if reading Cas’ mind, the boy chuckled. “Not just to hook up. She may be a good lay, but she’s also one of the sweetest girls I know. Really good friend of mine for as long as I can remember.” The boy helped Cas up onto the roof and together, they found her window and knocked on it softly.

“Kali,” he whispered quietly to the slumbering figure on the bed. She sat up and moaned, revealing the figure of Gabriel lying next to her, shirtless. Success! Realizing she was naked, the dark haired girl blushed and grabbed the closest shirt, which just happened to be Gabriel’s. She nudged Gabe, seemingly not hungover. The two boys turned around so they wouldn’t have to watch the two change. “She doesn’t drink,” Dean murmured to Cas, as if reading his mind. “It seems like your brother didn’t, either. At least, not that much.” It was true; his brother kissed Kali gently and mumbled something to her that made her blush. She kissed him one more time before walking him over to the window.

She opened it up, kissing him one last time. “Call me,” she whispered quietly. He grinned and nodded, climbing out to meet the two boys. She giggled and shut the window. Gabriel stood tall, looking at Dean and Castiel with a glow he had never before had.

“And that, dear friends, is how it’s done,” he said, clapping his hands together. Dean chuckled and muttered his congrats; Cas was happy for his brother. He knew how much he liked her; he just didn’t realize it was mutual.

“Good job,” he said with a laugh, walking across the roof. “We gotta get home, because we have church today.”

Gabe groaned. “Fuck, I really don’t want to go to church.”

“Neither do I, but dad would kill us.”

“I know.” He was quiet for another second. “Dude, you need a shower. You smell like piss.”

Cas punched his brother in the arm, knowing it was true, and watched Dean expertly jump off the roof. He followed suit, then Gabe, and together, the three boys walked towards the impala, the early morning sun hitting her black coat beautifully. Gabe told them the whole story of what had happened; they had been been the only two sober people at the party, so naturally they took everybody home. Kali asked where he lived, and he said he couldn’t go home without Castiel, because their father would have been suspicious. Boldly, she had offered to let him stay the night at her place, and he leaned in and kissed her just like that. One thing led to another, and soon they were naked. Cas didn’t want to know the rest.

Cas pretended to listen as Dean drove, humming softly, saying something encouraging every so often. He wished he didn’t have to go home. He wanted to spend the rest of the day with Dean. Hell, he wanted to drop out of school and spend every day with Dean, laughing and drinking and smoking and kissing and...Cas shook his head and shifted in his seat anxiously. 

They arrived in no time at all. “Thanks, Dean,” Cas whispered, even though they were the only three in the car. 

“I’ll see you later, okay? Maybe after church or something?” Dean looked hopeful as he leaned in for another kiss. 

“Ew, gross,” Gabe piped in from the backseat. The two of them broke apart, Cas laughing, Dean smirking. “We can’t do anything after church. You have homework to do, Cas.” Cas groaned and nodded. 

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Dean nodded and pulled him in for another hungry kiss; Gabe groaned and got out of the car, making sure to slam the door. “Have fun at church.” He spit out the last word like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Cas nodded, still in slight shock from the kiss, and got out of the car. 

“You two act like a couple,” Gabe said the minute Dean left. “I don’t really see how you aren’t.” 

“Because we aren’t, okay? He’s not into that stuff, so I’m not gonna even ask.” Gabe sighed loudly. 

“Fine, bro. But you know what? You’re going to be the one who ends up hurt, not him. He’s getting sex, he’s getting kisses, and he’s not having to bear any of the responsibilities of a real relationship. You, on the other hand, get the sex and the kisses too, but you have the feelings and the desire for something more. I swear, Cas, you’re gonna fuck yourself over on this.” Gabe opened the door and stepped in. “And seriously, go take a shower,” he said shoving his brother. “You smell like sex and weed.” 

~~~

Two showers and about fifty three breath mints later, Castiel and his brother were in tip top shape. Their shirts were pressed, their fake smiles plastered on....they looked as they always did. They were the fakest family, and Castiel hadn’t realized it until he saw the way Dean interacted with Sam Winchester, his twelve year old brother. He had never seen anything like it; Dean cared about him so much. He helped him every day with his homework, even when he could barely understand the questions himself. He supported his brother in everything he did, except getting a job. He knew his little brother shouldn’t have had to worry about paying the bills. 

Castiel blinked twice and looked up at the priest, who was talking about God and forgiveness. Castiel went back to thinking about Dean. He had never realized just how terribly boring church was; even the older woman about three pews in front of them was falling asleep. Mr. Novak, however, was drinking it all in as if this man was the almighty. Cas shook his head and looked back down at his lap, tracing circles along his tan pants with his finger. 

Two hours later, the family had piled back into their car and finally drove home. After the mass, there was a social gathering which, of course, his father had to be a part of. Cas had made polite small talk with some of the older members of the clergy; he even saw Samandriel there. At first he was tempted to go grab the kid and drag him into whatever private place they could get into, but his father dragged him away to meet some of the respected church elders, and he knew that it would have been far too risky. The ride home was silent, and when they got there, Gabe and Cas ran up to their room to do their homework like good little boys. 

The rest of the day was filled with homework and an early Sunday dinner. Castiel abhorred it; he hated what his family was forcing him to become. But he kept that fake fucking smile on his face and ducked his head so that he wouldn’t have to look at his family. Even Uriel and Michael were on their best behavior tonight; they always were on Sundays. It was the only day that they knew not to mess with their father. And Cas knew not to, either. All of them were silent and obedient, speaking only when spoken to. It was so calculated, so cold. 

Castiel helped clean the table, staying silent the entire time. He felt like he was going to explode; god, he wanted to get out of this house. “I’m going to go for a walk,” he said quietly to his father; before the man could protest, the student had his coat on and was out the door. He wanted to see Dean. He wanted to get away from his life. He wanted to freely express himself without living in constant fear that somebody would judge him, or hurt him for who he was. “Goddammit, why can’t I just be the Castiel I want to be?” He muttered to himself, kicking a rock angrily. It wasn’t fair. 

He needed a cigarette. 

He needed weed. 

He needed alcohol. 

He needed Dean. 

That’s when he screamed. 

Castiel looked up at the sky, unable to hold it all in anymore. Rain fell softly on his flushed, angry skin and he screamed. No words, just sounds; he just screamed and screamed until tears streamed down his face and mixed with the rain and his throat was raw and sore and all the oxygen in his lungs had been used up. He fell to his knees, wrapping his arms tightly around himself as he sobbed silently on the pavement. It was too much.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel meant to tell Dean everything that had happened the next day. But Dean wasn’t there. It wasn’t the first time his friend hadn’t shown up to school, so he wasn’t all that worried. Still, Cas skipped his classes, not really seeing the point in being there if Dean wasn’t.

He walked quickly to Dean’s home, wanting to tell him all about what had happened the previous night. Luckily, the school wasn’t too far from the house, and he managed to get there in about ten minutes flat. Cas knocked on the door softly. “Shit, who could that be?” came Dean’s muffled voice from inside, followed by shuffling feet. The boy opened up the door, his jaw dropping. “Cas...?” 

“I....I had to come see you...you weren’t in school, I figured you would be here...” Dean chuckled, pulling him inside the house. 

“Come in, you idiot,” his friend said affectionately. Cas looked around. “Sam is sick, so I decided to stay home and look after him,” Dean said, practically reading Castiel’s mind. “I didn’t want him to be alone, and my dad wasn’t about stay home, so...” He shrugged and nodded to the couch. “What’s up?” 

Castiel told Dean everything that had transpired the night before with his father, trying to keep himself composed. “I don’t know. I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t leave that damn house, though,” he said with a soft sigh. By the time he had finished his story, his head was in Dean’s lap, his friend running his fingers absently through his hair. 

“Just tell him you’re going to Chuck’s or something, because I’m gonna go absolutely insane without you.” He grinned and leaned down, kissing Castiel’s lips softly. “We’ll figure it out.” 

Cas smiled; this whole thing was a mess, but Dean seemed to make it all better somehow. He rested there for a while, taking in his friend’s sweet scent, resting his eyes, breathing him in. Castiel managed to rest easily there in his arms, feeling safer than he ever had before. 

 

It was a lazy day. Because Sam spent most of the day sleeping, Dean and Castiel spent their time kissing and laughing and talking. They smoked a bit of weed to keep them calm, then went out and walked around. Cas saw the world in a way he had never seen it before; full of colors and life and opportunities for people like him. He loved every second he spent with Dean; every word he said, every step he took, felt like a new minute, filled with endless possibilities. Maybe it was the weed talking, but he loved the time he was given with his friend; it was new, nothing like anything he had ever experienced.

Time passed too quickly, and he realized that he had to go home high. Fuck. He kissed Dean’s lips and grabbed his stuff, running out the door. Luckily his father was still at work, and he wouldn’t be home until around five, so he had some time to sober up.

The crisp air felt nice against his flushing skin. He took off his jacket even though it was the middle of winter, letting his arms breathe. He giggled at nothing, then walked into his house, glad to find that nobody was home. He flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, moving in different beautiful patterns, shapes forming. He chuckled again and thought of Dean’s face, his lovely face, the way he laughed and smiled and spoke and took control and...

“Cas, where have you been?” 

Castiel sat up to see Gabriel standing in front of him, an eyebrow raised. “You skipped school again, didn’t you?” He giggled and nodded his head. “Shit, are you high?” 

“Yeeeeeeeah.” He giggled again and looked at his brother. “I was at Dean’s. He and I spent the day together.” 

Gabe shook his head and sat down on his bed. “Dad’s gonna kill you.” 

“Dad isn’t gonna find out.” 

Gabe shook his head again but said nothing more as he settled down to do his homework. As he did that, Cas giggled at the ceiling until the effects wore off and he was left with nothing more than an empty panging that could only be filled by Dean. The boy shook his head and grabbed his school bag and opened it, just looking over his notes. He had no idea what his homework was for that night, so he just studied until his father called them all down for dinner. He stayed quiet throughout the meal, just picking at his food and refusing to speak. When he was excused, he took his plate and bolted into the kitchen to get to work washing them. He was finally beginning to feel guilty for skipping school that day. But he had needed to see Dean. He needed to get away from school, from his life, from whom he had been programed to be.  
The night passed agonizingly slowly. Castiel studied and slept, his slumber constantly disturbed by dreams of Dean, his father catching them...he woke up in a cold sweat, shivers crawling down his spine.

No. 

He would never let that happen.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel changed a little bit every day.

First it was one test. It was the first one he failed. 

“I’m sorry, Dad! I guess I just...I just felt a little sick that day or something.” 

“This is not acceptable, Castiel. You know we have standards in this family.” 

“Dad, it’s one test, I’ll make it up with the next one.” 

“Castiel! It is not just one test! You need to step it up, because I will not accept this. You are grounded until you can get your grades up.” 

Cas knew better than to argue. He was past being angry with his father, but he knew this battle was one he could not win. “Yes, father,” he said softly, bowing his head. He took the test from his father, who was still seething, and scurried up the stairs.

It continued with more tests, less homework, fewer hours in class. His father was getting more and more angry, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Castiel was in full on rebellion mode, and he wasn’t going to take the shit his father had been feeding him for his entire life. He was done with it. He stopped caring about what his father had to say, sneaking out of the house late at night to meet Dean. To love him the way he knew how, the way he knew Dean loved. To make him scream and moan and come at his fingertips.

He met other boys too, of course. Dean didn’t want the exclusive relationship that Castiel craved, so he filled the void with other men. At parties, when Dean was off thrusting into some nameless, faceless girl, Cas would grab the nearest man and fuck him as if it was all he had. Often, it was. He would regroup with Dean at the end of the night, both going into near too much detail about what had happened. His most recent was a kid name Adam Milligan, and boy, was he flexible. He knew what he wanted and loved dominating Cas. Whenever Adam was around, the night was bound to be fun. Sometimes, when Gabe was with them, he would tell them about Kali, who he was now going steady with. Castiel was happy for him; he deserved it. He deserved her. So he endured the stories of their gooey, sappy relationship, his heart sinking into the ground as he realized that he wanted the same thing with Dean. 

And so his life continued. Castiel was going downhill with one middle finger up and a smile on his face. He had simply stopped caring about anything else. Grades didn’t matter to him anymore. Even his own family didn’t matter to him anymore. There were few nights he spent actually in his bed; more often, he was in Dean’s, or some other random student’s. Somehow, he had managed to keep his life hidden from his family, save Gabriel, who sometimes accompanied him to parties. Gabe hated seeing Castiel like this, slipping down, sliding into dangerously depressive states when he saw Dean with anyone who wasn’t him. The problem was, Cas refused to talk about it. He had never been one to admit he was in need of help, and especially not about Dean. 

“Cas, I just want to help-” 

“Gabe, fuck off. I don’t want your help. Hell, I don’t need your help. Could you just leave me alone?” 

“I’ve been leaving you alone. I just-” 

“Shut the fuck up and leave me alone.” 

After that, Cas and Gabe stopped talking. They still shared the room, but Castiel was only there for about fifteen minutes before he was out. Then Gabe would rarely see him at school, because Castiel was so rarely there.

Everything changed about two weeks before finals. 

“CASTIEL!” Mr. Novak’s voice roared from the kitchen. Cas, who was listening to music in his room, took off his headphones and sighed, walking slowly down the stairs. 

“Yeah, dad?” 

“Get in here right now.” His voice was dangerously quiet. Castiel knew he was in some deep trouble. 

“Yes?” 

“Are you gay?” 

The question took him by surprise. “N...dad, I’m no-” 

“Spare me the bullshit. I know you...I know you were with that....Dean Winchester. I will not have this in my house.” Pity and regret appeared to flash through his eyes before the fiery anger replaced it once more. “Leave.” 

“W...what?” 

“Get OUT! Get out of my sight, get out of this house, and don’t you dare come back.” 

“D...dad, where will I go?” 

“Don’t you call me that. You are no son of mine. You have by the end of tonight to get out of here.” He turned his back and said nothing more. The words hit Cas like a slap to the face. He was really being kicked out of the home he had known for his entire life. He couldn’t say anything. Defeated, stunned, shocked, Castiel walked back up to their room. On the way, he stopped in the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of his father’s prescription pills, slipping it into his pocket before going back into his room.

Castiel had nearly finished packing when Gabe walked into their room. “Where do you think you’re going?” 

Cas turned to his brother, his eyes dead. “Haven’t you heard? I’m a faggot. I’m not allowed under Daddy’s roof anymore.” He let out a dry laugh and slammed his suitcase shut. 

“Cas...” 

“I’m fucking gone. I’m leaving. I’m not allowed to be here, and I don’t even want to be. I’m not his little angel anymore.” His eyes softened momentarily; his brother looked like he was about to cry. “You have to take care of Anna. I can’t do anything for her; you know he’ll be keeping me from talking to her. Please, please make sure she stays safe.” Gabe nodded and hugged him tightly.

“Be safe, little brother.” 

“I will.” Cas sighed. “Good luck with Uriel and Michael.” 

“Thanks.” Thunder cracked outside and, suddenly, rain started to fall. Great, now he had nowhere to go, and it was raining. 

With that, Castiel released his brother and walked out the door. His father watched him leave, not saying a word. It was scarier just to see him standing there, not reacting to his own son leaving the house. Once outside, the boy reached into his pocket, a small bottle of pills in his hand. He couldn’t live like this; he had nowhere to go. Sure, going to Dean’s would have made the most sense, but he couldn’t do that. Dean already had to worry about his brother, his father, and so much other shit. His family wouldn’t care; they wouldn’t even wonder why he wasn’t at dinner that night. They would all accept that he was gone a few days later, and nobody would even know he was dead. His father would probably laugh, say he deserved it. He probably did. While he had been packing, he had realized that this whole damn life he was living, this secret he had been hiding, was killing him. He just couldn’t deal with the pain he was putting people around him through, even his father. He was done. 

“I am...so sorry, Dean,” he said, weaving blindly through the city he grew up in until he found a nice, abandoned alleyway, where he would be safely hidden from any wandering eyes. He would probably be found in a few days by some shady drug dealer and his client, looking for a quiet area. He sighed, making his way into the quiet darkness. Castiel set his suitcase down, sitting on top of it. “I am so, so sorry,” he said again, tears falling from his eyes as he poured the pills into his shaking hand. Rain pattered lightly onto his flushing skin, cooling him just a bit.

Castiel swallowed the pills. 

 

An hour passed before anybody found him. 

Who would have guessed that it would have been Dean? 

A homeless man had actually been the first one to stumble down the alley. He noticed Cas laying there and grinned, poking him. “Hey, hey buddy. Whatcha trippin’ on?” He slurred; his breath held the strong scent of alcohol. Castiel turned an ashen face to see the man, his eyes sunken, hands shaking. The other guy’s own eyes wandered and he stumbled out into the street. It was simply luck that Dean had been walking down the street at the time. 

“Woah, man, watch where you’re going,” Dean said in a low growl.

“Sorry, man.” 

“What are you running from, anyway?”

“Some guy down there looks like death.” He scurried away without another word, tripping over a trash can as he went. Dean rolled his eyes and continued along, then stopped. A man was down that alley, potentially dying. He had his own shit to worry about, sure, but the least he could do was make sure whoever it was was okay. He sighed, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and made his way down the alley, slightly scared about what he would find. 

It was Castiel. 

“Cas!” He roared, dashing to his side. “Oh my god, Cas,” he said, tears falling from his eyes. The other boy was no longer conscious. “Cas, what the hell happened?” Castiel’s head lolled back in response. “Fuck...” Dean picked him up, looking around. He needed a doctor. “Stay with me, Cas...” He mumbled, holding him tightly. 

And he began to run.


	7. Chapter 7

Cas woke up a day later in a hospital bed, surrounded by white. The whole damn room was white; the walls, the floor, the bedding, even the gown he was in was white. A soft moan escaped his lips and he tried to sit up. Immediately, his head was spinning, so he laid back down and looked to the side.

Dean was there. 

Crying. 

“D...Dean?” 

Dean lifted his head, tears falling down his cheeks. “Shit, Cas, you fucking scared me,” he said quietly, chuckling without humor. The boy cupped Cas’ cheek in his hand and kissed his forehead. “What...what did you do?” 

Castiel looked away, assessing how to answer his question. “I took my father’s Valium,” he said softly, looking away, ashamed. “He kicked me out of the house...I had nowhere to go. Nobody--” 

Dean cut him off. “What, are you crazy? You always have me.” 

“I couldn’t--” 

“Cas, I would have taken you into my house in a heartbeat.” 

“It’s not that, dammit.” Cas coughed, resting his head back. “Fuck, Dean, I could never live in the house of the man I’m in LOVE with, knowing that nothing would ever happen between us, because god knows you’d never enter a relationship, much less with me, and...” 

Dean’s eyes went wide. “You...love me?” 

“Of course I do, Dean. I’ve loved you...for ages...” Dean looked down at Cas’ hand, a single tear falling onto it. He took it gently, rubbing his palm with his thumb. 

“If I had known, I would...I am...so sorry, Cas,” he said softly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

“Please, don’t tease me.” Castiel bit his lip, looking away from the man. 

Dean ran his rough hand along Cas’ smooth cheek. “I’m not.” 

“W...what?” 

“I...I don’t want to see you like this. I want you to be happy. I want to be the one who makes you happy. Maybe...maybe I...” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Maybe I need this, too.” 

Cas ran a hand through Dean’s hair, pulling him into a gentle kiss, a smile flitting across his face. He had no idea where this was going, or what would happen. 

But the fun of the chase was always the catch.


End file.
